she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
