i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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