I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
