my vag is so smooth its legendary
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
