Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
