I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
