I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
