It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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