i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
