I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
