hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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