Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
