Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
