I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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