She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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