I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
