I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
