i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
