make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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