dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
