Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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