The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
