honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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