Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
