My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
