Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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