allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
