he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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