you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
