Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I'm really busy with my period
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