whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
