I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
