Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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