New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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