After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
