JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
