why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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