i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
