im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We are two peas in an std pod
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
