Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
