quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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