It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
