a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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