woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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