She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
