so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
