Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
