I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
