i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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