Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
