Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
